Dry Spell

I haven't been to my WW mtg yet this week. I blew Tuesday night off in favor of hanging out with my bestie. We downed two bottles of vino & chillaxed on her back porch. Good times.

I'll most likely hit up the Saturday meeting to see what the wine damage from this past week has been. Work has been a beast. I don't feel the need to apologize for my possible weight fluctuation. I almost got laid off. It was a tense time. But I didn't get laid off, so now I can focus once again.

I went on another date with... let's call him The Photographer. It was just okay, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. He's an amazingly nice guy, but not in a pushover kind of way. He's holds a Masters Degree and is very well-read. He makes me laugh, and we have very similar sarcastic/jokey personalities. So what's the problem? He's very introverted & shy. This is the third time we've hung out (but only our first official date) & he still hasn't laid a hand on me! Normally, I'm very much the aggressive, if-you-don't-i-will type, but I just couldn't pull it off last night. 

I'm used to going out with men who literally can't wait to paw me. Aggressive, 'take what you want' men. I'm not really sure what to do with this polite, geeky, intellectual that tries his hardest not to stare at my breasts during dinner. This even prompted a very R-rated dream last night where he (welcomingly) attacked my mouth. It was hot.

He mentioned that his last gf moved in with him after a month, so I'm guessing he had no issues in the bedroom in that respect, so what's the deal? And should it even be an issue? 

I hate dating.

A Short One

CRAZINESS!

I'm here, but I'm a hot mess.

Lost 1.6 pounds at last week's WW mtg.

Survived round one of layoff at work

Drank my weight in vino to stave off panic attacks

Dealing with the vultures at work (aka reporters)

Went on a date!

That'll have to tide you over until tonight!

Pretty in Purple

I have this gorgeous purple silk dress from Banana Republic that I have yet to wear. I had planned to wear it to a wedding a couple weeks ago, but alas it was lumpy when draped over my form. So now I've entered it into the Too Tight rotation. I'd love to wear this dress for my birthday outing in August. While it's my goal to wear it out for my birthday, if it still isn't fitting right I'm committed to keep on until I not only reach that goal, but several others after it.

I didn't have time to snap a pic of me in the dress this morning before work, so here's a pic of what the dress is *supposed* to look like:

I'm also trying out a new blogging schedule to keep me on track:

Post after every WW meeting (my mtg is on Tues. night)

Friday Too Tight Dress try-on

Occasional posts with randomness

Day three on WW & kickin' arse! Happy Friday, everyone!

Brace Yourself

Um. Well. I went to WW tonight. Man, this is bad. I can not believe what I saw on the scale tonight. Shocked me to my blobby core. I knew it was gonna be bad. You really can't partake in the huge consumption of alcohol and late-night fast food without gaining some serious chunkage. 

You're dying to know, aren't you?? You might want to sit down. Hell, go ahead and drink half a bottle of wine too. No wait, that's what I should've done! So here it is. REALLY STARTING OVER. It's like I said earlier today on another blog:

Who cares how many times you start over as long as you're still trying?!

So here are my new companions:

And here is the reason why I need those WW tools --

222.2 pounds

Can you effin' believe it?! I know I sure as shat couldn't! And yet, I'm not suicidal. In fact, I haven't felt this optimistic and healthy in a long time. I'm off to review my new WW literature & pack my lunch & gym bag for tomorrow!

The Glam Is Back In Town!

I have no idea what I've been doing. Scratch that. I do know what I've been doing. Lots of shenanigans and debauchery, that's what!

Before you read any further, I must warn you. If you held the former belief that I was a well-behaved member of society, please stop reading. You will be disappointed and I will probably lose your blogship.

There's been a major lack of blogging on my end for a couple reasons:

1. I got sick of hearing the sound of my own voice, er typing. Whine, whine, fat, exercise, blah blah blah

2. Shit happens & most of it has happened to me in the last 6 months

3. I've become a lazy ass

4. but only when it comes to exercise & eating right

5. instead I have been staying out ALL night, drinking excessively & participating in SEXtracurricular activities.

6. I've even had to call in to work a couple time because I got in waaaaay to late (or early?) the night before!

Bad, bad girl. The good news:

1. The appeal of being a rebel is wearing off - right around the time I puked in some random guy's bathroom sink. hot

2. I finally have professional help. All the shiz from the last 6 months, coupled with my bad behavior needed to be addressed. Addressing

3. I'm going back to Weight Watchers tonight. The meetings and cattle line are in order.

4. I'm happy. I know strange, right? But I am. I've had several years of life experience crammed into about 6 months. I survived & came out happier and little bit wiser.

And now it's back to square one. When I had a setback last fall, I never really recovered. I felt like I FAILED big time & never quite got my mojo back. So I'm  wiping the slate clean. Starting over in every sense of the cliched word.

And I missed you guys! You're like the best therapy and blogging friends a socially retarded blogger could ask for! ;)

Fear

Fear is such a ridiculous emotion sometimes, isn't it? Irrational, misplaced, legitimate, etc. It can really eff with your mind. Sometimes we fear the silliest things. Sometimes we don't even know we fear something until we're faced with a situation that summons our fear to the front lines, and screams, "Shite, I don't like this."

This would be my dramatic explanation for how I feel about running. Why does it scare me? Because it screws with my perfectionism. (How can someone overweight be a perfectionist? That's another post for another time...)

My perfectionism interferes with my running because it refuses to let me see that WALKING while building stamina is okay. There will be times when I can't possibly run one more centimeter. I need to realize it's a-okay for me to give the lungs a break and slow down!

I know I can do this. I've done much harder things in my life. I can do this!

...

In other news, I could really use some magical blogger support to reassure me that I can reach my mini goal by this wedding in 5 weeks. I'm freaking out. I'm about to pull a Biggest L0$er and move into the gym...

Run, Fat Girl, Run

The past two months have been a crazy ass whirlwind of drama, boys, shenanigans, concerts, food & craziness.

Now back to the drawing board. The Couch to 5k podcast is back on my iPod. But this time, I'm setting up a fail-proof system. My best friend's 15 year old son is about 70 pounds overweight. He's an only child and a Seth Rogen/Jonah Hill in the making. He's a super sweet, smart, hilarious kid, but he's overweight and socially awkward right now. I emailed him last night and asked him if he'd be interested in doing the 5k program with me. We set it up so that we run separately during the week then meet up on Saturdays and run together. Knowing that he's counting on me and doing this because I asked him to is going to motivate me to keep going. I knew I could do this, I just needed to find my motivation.

As for the musician. Game OVER! Holy crap. I spent Sunday with him, and got to see a side of him I never wanted or needed to see -- him going to the bathroom. And no, I'm not talking about a little discreet urination. Gross. I'm a magnet for mantards.

I have a wedding to go to in 6 short weeks. There will be a gentleman there who I haven't seen since 2004. We had a small flirtation & cuddle session after which I fled in the nighttime before he woke up. Apparently, he's never recovered from being exposed to my awesomeness. Need to get toned up for that rockin' silk, lilac number I bought for the wedding. Poor bastard. He's toast.

Spectator Sunday

You guys have been holding out on me! Marathons are like the coolest thing ever. Oh wait, you *did* tell me didn't you? 

I wasn't even running in yesterday's marathon and my anticipation and excitement woke me up at 4:00 am. With my umbrella and Starbucks in tow, I planted myself on the sidewalk with friends at 7:00 am to root for some friends who were running the Flying Swine marathon. (Yeah, I know that's not what it's called - I do live here! I just don't want peeps finding me by googling the actual marathon name...)

I was blown away. I haven't been this inspired and awed in a long time. I was speechless as I watched these athletes determined to cross the finish line. I kept thinking of all the training, all the things they must've sacrificed to get to this point. I saw couples, siblings, friends, and single runners all with the common goal, and I was moved. And when I saw my friends approaching, covered in a mixture of perspiration and spring rain, I felt so much respect for them. They were smiling. They were thrilled to see us. 

It really made me want to start running and train for something. But I have to confess; running scares the shite out of me. It's the one thing that I've never seemed to master. I can dance, box, play sports, hike, swim, etc. but I can't seem to get my lungs or mentality to hold out. 

I think I avoid running because I think deep down I couldn't do it, or rather, I wouldn't be able to finish. Definitely some things to think about...