Freedom!

Sorry, I've been MIA. I was held hostage by the Three Musketeers, some Nerds, & a Kit(ty) Kat as they tried to shove Milky Ways, Skittles, & Butterfingers down my throat. Fortunately, I threatened extra gym sessions and to set their stash on fire, so they released me.

But not before some calories were inhaled. You know what? Who cares. So, I ate some freakin' candy. The world did not end. I did not gain 10 pounds. I did not stop going to the gym or personal training. It was just a couple, less-than-stellar food choices.

And I enjoyed every last calorie.

My trainer said something very wise last night at training: this is a lifestyle change. You have to incorporate health and fitness into your life, without getting obsessive about it and missing out on the fun. You only get one life -- have fun!

And I have. I wish you could feel the joy, motivation, and self-confidence oozing out of me. I enjoy waking up, getting dolled up for work, and tackling my 'to do' lists at work. I look forward to sweating away the calories after work. Bible study, church, yoga, dance, book club, family time... My life is filled to the brim, and I'm happy.

Is all this the result of hard work and endorphins? Maybe. But I'm not questioning it; I'm rolling with it. Nothing in life lasts forever -- not even this happy, productive streak.

Oh, and I haven't even shared the best part. I lost a total of 6 pounds last month. Yeah, check it; it's in the sidebar. With the muscle I'm putting on and how well my clothes are fitting, I'm guessing the weight loss is even more substantial than 6 pounds. So, yeah, I have even more reasons to be happy.

So let's all smile and continue on this journey, shall we?

:)

Rally the Troops

UPDATE 4:23 pm - I've decided enough is enough. The eating, the over-spending, self-indulgent bullsh*t has to stop. It's self-destructive, and I've participated in that game for far too long, my friends. Tonight at PT will be my own personal, symbolic gesture to say, "good riddance!" to the past two days of insanity. I don't know what fueled this behavior, but how I was treating it is obviously not the answer. I'm digging deep for this turn around. Tonight might hurt.

.........................................

I need a swift kick in the pants. Seriously.

Since Sunday I've been in bad mood central. Monday night at PT, I felt like it was quite possibly time for my body to quit me. It was so not havin' it.

Tuesday I was "sick" and didn't go to work.

Wednesday was freakin' awesome. I was productive, excelled at work, went to church & crashed early.

Hello, Thursday, bringer of doom and McDonald's Happy Meals. Oops.

I'm in a major crankypants funk. I realize this and only have myself to blame. It gets worse: Major shopping spree including ridiculous shoes. And while I did need shoes, no one *needs* incredibly high, leather patchwork heels that make my toes cry or suede Steve Madden booties with thick ribbon laces.

*sigh* Commence with the floggings.

**at least I'm blogging about it. I know I'm in dangerous depression waters when I won't even mention my low moods...

Personal Training Day 8

Holy cow.... I've lived through 8 sessions already?! *Pats self on back*

I promise a proper posting later, but I'm off to PT in about 15 minutes. I'm feeling a little jumpy and shaky and not sure why that is. I hope it doesn't affect my performance tonight. I mean, srsly, my hands are shaking. Very strange. I think my sugar is berserk.

I have some NSV to report too! I might not be seeing the numbers drop like I want, but I'm seeing it in other places. Can't wait to share.

I'm off to sweat!

x

Out of the Mouths of PTs

So here's the scoop. Yesterday, I lamented about not losing weight despite intense PT sessions, cardio and stellar eating habits. I consumed anywhere from 1500-1800 calories, which to me, is reasonable considering I had been eating over 2000 for months. Srsly. I didn't want my body to think I was starving it, so my plan was to eat less, but not consume drastically less than what my body was used to.

Armed with this info, I asked the Head PT Honcho what the deal was. Here's his take:

1. I'm training very intensely. It's highly possible that my muscles are holding water (wth?)

2. see #1, but add: you've most likely added some lean muscle mass, OR

3. I'm eating TOO MUCH. Wait, what? 1500 calories is too much? He gave me the center's eating plan for women. Depending on serving sizes and choices the caloric range of these plans is 1200-1400 calories.

Um. I'm going to starve to death. I didn't know this was the Biggest Loser: Glam edition.

So I'm going to try his plan and see what happens. If I really do feel like I'm not eating enough, I have no qualms about upping it back to where I was. I'm not in this business to starve. I'm in it to be healthy.

He was very supportive, regardless of his quest to see my ribs jutting out from my body (kidding.) He explained that any time I'm feeling frustrated or discouraged to pop in and see him, and we'd reevaluate. I'm due to be weighed and measured in a week, so I'll definitely be talking to him then.

In other news, I rocked PT last night -- air chairs, bosu ball crunches, bag flips, major arm work, balance and stability exercises, and duel muscle group exercises. Like I said, ROCKSTAR!

I Am Not a Loser

UPDATED to add: I'm heading to PT in a few and I am PUMPED up. I think my caloric intake needs some tweaking. Definitely need to add more protein and veggies to my mostly vegetarian diet. 'Tis true, how I manage to be mostly a vego is a mystery unto myself, but I rarely eat meat. My weekly goal will be to add more veggies and protein calories and see if that helps any... Here I go!

.....

Well, that was the most anticlimactic weigh in EVAH!

Seriously? I lost nothing. Nada. Zero. Normally, I'd be all, "whatevs" new week and all that, but if you recall, I didn't weigh in last week due to my visitor.

So I expected at least some sort of loss. Sure I'm upset. In fact, that's an understatement, but it's scientifically impossible that I haven't lost any body fat (i.e. weight). For two reasons:

1. I've been working out harder & more this month than I have in months.

2. I'd need to be eating *AT LEAST* 2,731 calories a day to MAINTAIN my current lard.

I can tell you right now with my hand on a stack of Bibles that there is no way I'm eating that much daily. In fact, on my highest caloric day I've only hulked it up to 1,800 calories.

So what's the deal, yo?

I feel better having posted the reasoning behind this inconclusive scale number, but I'm still pissed. Hopefully, by tonight's PT session my mentality will be back in killer mode & I'll be out of this "stupid scale" funk!

Happy Monday!

I am the Punch Line

My theme song (for the time being) -- Going the Distance!


Did you ever hear the joke about the hyper, enthusiastic gal that took a muscle relaxer too close to her personal training session?

No?

Hmmm, must be because it just happened to me yesterday!

I'm such a moron sometimes. I've been having some neck pain, for oh, I don't know, about 8 months and decided to finally go to the doctor. Enter muscle relaxers stage left. I popped one about 11:00 a.m. thinking it would wear off by the time my PT session rolled around. NOT SO MUCH! My muscles were absolutely, positively worth jack last night. Even my mantra: "The only easy day was yesterday" didn't work! In fact, my muscles actually laughed at me in the form of quivering, threatening to fall right out from underneath me. I was a hot mess. Even walking felt like a choir. Obvs, I won't be doing that ever again!

.........

I feel like a mega frumpy bunny today. I tried on some old 14's hoping I'd at least be able to get them buttoned, but NOoOooooO! Couldn't even get them buttoned. I was so bummed. I've been working my tail off in PT now for three weeks. Why am I not a size 8 yet?!

Oh, it doesn't work like that? NOW you tell me! But in all seriousness I am feeling a bit blue. Perhaps it's the changing of the seasons or perhaps I just have delusional ideas about what I can accomplish in three weeks. Yeah, I think it's the last one...

BUT not everything is pooey today: My sister joined my gym! Aw, heck, yeah! Now I have a partner to sweat it out with me during Power Pump and yoga. Not to mention countless minutes on the elliptical and evil stair machine, which KatieO lovingly refers to as Satan. Now you know.

So let's be proactive today, shall we? Let's turn that blue into gold: no emo eating (hehe), no extra doses of caffeine, and absolutely no bingeing tonight while relaxing and watching the TV perfection that is Ugly Betty.

Have a fab weekend, peeps. See you on the other side, and hopefully, with awesome weigh in numbers!

x

The Big Reveal

Happy Hump Day, fellow losers!

By now, if you're a regular reader, you know that I liked to remain cloaked in mystery... I don't post many photos of myself, or heck, even my real name! Obviously, I still have a lot of issues when it comes to people I know *knowing* the real me. Like they can't take one good look at me and know that I'm a chunk, but that's different than what I do on here. I open my heart & pour out my soul. I connect with people. Which I'll admit, is sometimes hard for me to do in real life.

True, I have a close gaggle of friends, but very few of them get to see me down deep in my core: my fears, insecurities, hopes, dreams, craziness!

So that's why the news I mentioned yesterday is a huge deal for me. The owner of the personal training center where I train approached me about being "the face" of the center for a while. Meaning, they want to follow me on my journey, videotape me, and interview me on their local cable access show they host weekly. They'd also post my story and progress on their website.

This is terrifying for a girl who doesn't acknowledge how overweight she is to her friends and family. It's a huge pride thing. Granted, not a lot of people watch local cable access, but trust me, once word gets out, I have a feeling many people will be searching for it.

But for all the reasons why I don't want to do it, there are two HUGE reasons why I'm going to:

1. Accountability. It will be very hard for me to screw up knowing everyone is watching, judging my progress or looking to me for inspiration.

2. FREE personal training! The conditions of the agreement are after I've been working out there for several months and have made considerable progress, then they'll agree to follow my journey in return for free personal training.

Seriously, how can I say no to that?! I can't. So I'm not going to. I'm not sure when this will happen -- in a month? Two months? Not clear on the details yet, but when it happens I'll be sure to let you know! Talk about motivation. If I didn't have any before, I sure do now!

Now for some randomness!

Check out this killer breakfast:

*oats, banana, honey, almonds, raisins = YUM!

One last thing -- I'm planning on working in the TOO TIGHT PANTS at some point. These pants are also going to play a huge role in the Bloggerhood of the Traveling (Not So Fat) Pants. Once I get these bad boys on, they'll be traveling to some other blogging sistah so she can work her way into them. It's an awesome project, no? Thanks, Jen!